Chris and Ethan

Running..!

2012-01-15T00:51:00.001+08:00

I have decided to start running on wednesday!

I really really hope I will be able to maintain this practice until it becomes a habit.. I really really need the exercise.. And if anyone runs as slowly as me would like to, please come run with me. We can motivate each other to run for longer periods of time. It just sucks to have a running partner who's faster than you..

I really hate it when someone does something I'm good at better than me.. It just makes me depressed and all that.. I know I shouldn't be comparing.. But who grew up not learning how to compare? It's life.. I have to deal with it. I know that.. But still..

Anyway! Let's just cross fingers that I carry out my plan. I'm gonna be making a playlist for running too! Any motivational songs to recommend? I know no one is reading this.. So.. I'll just search for it myself!

Good luck to me! xD

Returning to blogger... AGAIN! xP

2012-01-05T15:43:00.001+08:00

Hey everyone! I'm back to blogging again! It's been sooooo long since I updated this page. I even printed this daily planner to remind me to blog daily! Hahas!

Cute planner right? XD

Well, just to summarise what would be going on in this new year:

Year 1 Sem 2 is starting next week. Excited about school again!
I'm starting to learn the guitar. But through youtube and without formal instruction of course. I spent most (well, all actually) of my money remodelling my room. xP
I've been eating too much chocolate lately and drinking lesser water than ever.
Getting fatter as the days go by, although my weight is surprising the same. I really need to get some exercise!
Hopefully I get to go to Korea around mid-year for the Language Immersion Programme! Although I have friends in Korean class, it seems like I'm irritating them or something.. 'Cause they don't seem to like texting me.. :(
I changed the cbox here. Hopefully less spammers will appear. :)
The music is not playing... Hmm.. I wonder why...

Anyway! Let's start this new year 2012 happily! Aim for a successful year! Hopefully get a boyfriend. Hehehe. xP

And.... That's it! Will be updating alot tomorrow night after a full day at Universal Studios Singapore and after Bidding Round 2B which will decide the fate of my Japanese 1 module. Good luck to me! And everyone else, of course! xD

New School New Life

2011-09-23T18:48:00.000+08:00

I'm finally in university. But I'm not sure whether I'm actually enjoying it. For one thing, Chemistry is really difficult, so is Japanese Studies which I can't really cope with writing all the essays and projects. This is the one and only time I'm taking a module like this. I really have to take a writing module to improve my writing skills, seriously. New friends I made were almost all females. I need some males in my life. It's just too boring talking girl stuff all the time. Guy stuff are interesting too. I like listening to guy stories, sounds way cooler than girl stuff could ever get. But then again, who wants to be telling personal life stories to a complete opposite stranger who likes weird stuff like corpses and pathology? And I need a study buddy, desperately. I CANNOT study on my own. I need Yingjun back! Or someone else who can stay with me and make me look at my work seriously... I like the days where YJ would be serious about studying and I'd automtically get fired up too. I miss those times. Not sure if this is a good start in a new school, but I hope I can get myself fired up enough to get a 4.00 CAP. Add oil!!!

Great Books

2011-07-15T15:06:00.000+08:00

Yo all!~ Just here to post a reminder. Otherwise, forgetting these good book titles and authors would be such a pity. :)

Regeneration by L.J. Singleton (Woodlands Library has the full set of five books)
Internet Detectives by Michael Coleman (a little outdated on the 'internet' part, but cool story)
Holy Moly I'm a Dead Dude by C.M. Hopkins (cheesy story hahas)
Spy High Series by A.J. Butcher (cool gadgets and sort of futuristic)
Talisman Quartet Series by Allan Frewin Jones (cool and cute >< but the series is re-categorised into the junior section)

Yeah, that's all I remember for now. Good luck on finding these books! Hahaha!

Emotional Day..

2011-06-29T22:15:00.001+08:00

Today.. has been a truly emotional day. I'd bet that this emotional roller coaster is going to be brought forward till tomorrow and the days after until who knows when..

It all started when this really cool (but seriously not hot) guy asked me out.. and at the same time.. a very precious friend of mine is keeping secrets from me.. The latter, made me really excited and really scared at the same time.. But in the end, I decided I didn't want to date him, because of various factors that I can't really say online..

Well, what really screwed my feelings inside out is that this precious friend, whom I will never think of as more than family, confessed his love for me.. And I have got to say that although I was kind of expecting it since I did notice some of the signs, I was still shocked and scared out of my wits..

My mind's a blur.. All I can think of is how I hurt him by the way I acted when he held my hand.. I pulled away.. And I can still hear his voice.. Calling me.. And I told him to leave..

I feel extremely bad.. I don't know why I did what I did, but I was on the verge of breaking.. I have no idea why.. It's just too much to handle.. I"m really sorry for that. I'm really sorry for hurting him. He's family.. I warned him.. I really tried.. I seriously hope his affection for me is just puppy love and nothing more. I really hope he will find someone better in his life next time..

But I have today to thank for as well.. Today, I felt sad.. For the first time in my entire life, I vividly remember the feeling of sadness. How that feeling can break my heart and tear it into pieces everytime he apologised..

Haha.. Why is my blog always about sad stuff? It shouldn't be pink anymore.. Should have made the background black instead.. Well, this is just to vent my frustrations.. I hope no one reads this and chide me about this.. I don't want to relive this again.. I'm writing this to remind myself of what I could have done instead of what I did..

LoVe HuRtS

Edgy..

2011-06-27T09:53:00.000+08:00

I am seriously freaking out here! I don't know why, but I'm freaking out over no one reply my texts. And I feel fidgety and nervous and edgy every minute that I don't get a reply. It's been 2 hours since I received a single text and I feel freaking anxious here! Just need to vent.. But apparently it isn't working...!

Good News FTW!

2011-04-22T17:45:00.000+08:00

Today, I'm just going to talk about happy things. Although it's Good Friday and it always rains on this day every year (trust me, this comes from observation), today's rain represents tears of joy for me.

During such a solemn occasion, I'm meeting up with my high school classmates, especially with one of my bffs - yingjun!, which is a wonderful event today! Furthermore, today is also the day I found out that I have been accepted into NUS' Faculty of Science!!!!! Is this part of my dream come true or what?!!

Well, now is the time when I can say that the storm of uneasiness in my heart has resided and rainbows of joy and excitement are showing up at every corner in my soul. This is the feeling of starting anew and a reminder not to make the same mistakes of my past.

iNsPiRiNg yAnTiiNg

Must-Read ManHwa!!

2011-04-07T10:59:00.000+08:00

Yo people! I'm back!

I just wanted to post this as a reminder for myself. But, this can also be a sort of an advertisement for you guys ans girls out there who wishes to read an amazingly well-written manhwa.

I just read a manhwa titled Love In The Mask written and illustrated by Han Yu-Rang. It is absolutely the BEST manhwa from Korea in my opinion.

It's story is about a girl, Suh Hyun-Bin who is forced to live her life as a boy from young to survive. Although I don't really agree with her mentality that 'living a sucky (she didn't say sucky, but I can't remember the exact word) life is better than dying free', I think I can understand why she would think that way. After all, she's doing everything she can just to survive and see her friends happy.

The story is so sad. It's just... Sad.. After she falls in love with the first guy she met whose ability was on par with hers, she was forced to pair him up with the girl she was bodyguarding.. Sad, isn't it?

Now, at the around chapter 98, Hyun-Bin has to pretend to be captured by gangsters and live like them for 9 years. Currently only 1 year has passed and she has to put up with beatings almost everyday.. I sympathise with her..

Call me masochistic, but I kind of want to be like her.. Although her life sucked miserably, she stays strong. And that is the trait that made so many people fall in love with her (3.5 guys to be exact, 'cause 1 of them didn't know what he was feeling towards Hyun-Bin, so he's a .5 :P) and want to protect her. Even though most of them didn't know she was a girl, I think they felt that she had a feminine side. And that was just too romantic but sadly theycan't be together because Hyun-Bin has to be a guy in order to survive..

What I like most about her that made me want to be like her is her strength. Both physical and mental strength. She and Bi-Rak are the most admirable characters of this story. They both had miserable pasts where they could only watch as their loved ones die. Now, they have to be heartless in order to survive although now the two of them are like brothers-in-arms. I admire the relationship between the two of them. Just each other's presence alone can make them feel much better when they are experiencing down moments. And Bi-Rak is always teaching Hyun-Bin never to expect that anyone would be there to help her, because in the real gangster world, no one would help and no one would care.

Sad life, sad story. But it's somewhat true, isn't it? Things like these do happen, even if it's not as dramatic as this manhwa..

Thus, my enlightenment from this post is:
I want to become stronger. So strong that I will not lose. No matter what happens, I will not fall because I am the wall that surrounds and protects my palace of friends.

iNsPiRiNg yAnTiiNg

Negativities are nothing but troublesome feelings

2011-02-27T00:10:00.000+08:00

I wanted to post a review about the movie 'I am Number Four' which I watched last night with my family.. But yesterday was too late and today? A beautiful and wonderful day turned into a black hole which swallowed all my happy feelings and spewed out all the negativities.. You want the whole story?

Well, this is it..

Angela and I went to taekwondo for the purpose of ASSISTING. I really would like to emphasise on this point since this is the basis for all of the arguments I'm going to mention next.

From the moment we saw each other in the multi-purpose hall where we hold the taekwondo training, we as in angela, benny, kit ying and I, of course we would start talking and catching up since we haven't seen each other in a long time.. However, I would like to make known that kit ying was in a bad mood, which I can totally comprehend, and wasn't really talking to us, which I can also completely understand. But when I asked about something that happened just two (I think it's two) days ago at the mall, she ignored. I let that slide. But since we were going to help each other out during training, I asked about the plan for the day.. She said she'd see who else was present before deciding. Reasonable enough.

Then, the three of us were told to join in the class for warm up exercises. Ok, I'm fine with it. You don't need so many people watching over a warm up session. Then the problem starts. We starting talking at the corner during warm up, and I know it's a rude but I couldn't help it, I'm a talkative person.. So the unlucky people who got caught were Benny and I, who were made to do more squat kicks alone in front of the whole hall of trainees.. I accept that, since I was at fault..

But the next thing that happened was something I can't bring myself to forgive. It was something which I already let slid so many times over and over again. And since today I was almost like a bipolar during training, my feelings of course was more heightened than usual and I don't care why, really. What actually happened was that kit ying, once again, ignored me when I was trying to ask about me being assigned to take charge of the white belt.. I could see she was busy, but I could also see she was deliberately ignoring me. What's up with her? Geez, it wasn't as if I just stole her boyfriend or anything. So I told her, though sarcastically, that she could look for me when she wanted to talk to me.. I was fed up. Bottomline? I was pissed off.

After that, I stood in a corner and waited for her to finish what she was doing. When she came over to us again, she said, smiling, that she didn't know what to do with us. Can you believe those words?! What had I been saying the past ten minutes?! Rubbish? Nonsense? Oh no, I must have been speaking an alien language in a volume so small that I could be heard or understood..

Then, she told us to fall in and join the class in training instead. So I asked her whether she was even listening to what I had said. What she replied to that was an ORDER to fall in and join the class. That hit the nerve, man. I just flared up and said I'll be leaving then, since this wasn't what I came for in the first place.

The worst thing was hearing benny come after me and pulled me back by the arm. Oh, did I mentioned that it hurt? And that I really hate him at that moment because he was making me do something against my will. If I want to leave, I leave. No one can stop me. It wasn't as if pulling me back makes me want to stay there any longer. I really really wanted to hit him in the face. But all I could do was gave him the angriest glare I had ever used in my entire lifetime and he let go of me. I had never felt so helpless with him grabbing my hand and I had never felt so mad, ever.

Then I went off to cool down. But when I came back, angela was sitting by the stairs alone.. Seems like she had an argument with kit ying, who told her that we didn't respect her. I wanted to laugh so badly. Respect? She wants respect from us? What kind of respect should we give to someone who doesn't even respect our opinions or any kind of word from us for that matter? Whatever we said, counting from the very first day she became an assistant coach to poh lin mdm, or maybe even earlier before that, she had not heed a single word from us. If that is what she calls respect, then we would have given her the duly respect she wanted from us.

A team is where all of us communicate together all our opinions and planning to make sure everything about the project or in this case, the training, goes as smoothly as possible. But here? I don't see the team. I see a very careless and mindless leader trying to prove her so called abilities without any help. A real leader would never do anything like that do the other members of her team.

I've said enough. I don't really want to spoil my night which happened to be quite pleasant actually.. Because of such a dutiful friend I have, I feel I shouldn't be brooding over this.. But I had to post these incidents since it's really nagging at me for awhile. Sigh.. Training has become such a disaster..

Dead Blog...

2011-02-21T23:39:00.000+08:00

Would you look at this?! It's a dead and abandoned blog! Well, just a quick update of what's been going on in my life here..

1. Just started learning driving.
2. Resigned from my irregular working hours job and am now applying for a new one with normal office working hours.
3. Gave my younger god-brother (unofficial) an English name. A name which even I kind of like more than mine because of its uniqueness in Singapore. (You don't usually name someone in Singapore 'Kaegan', I suppose..)
4. Officially a part of the SFSC SCC Alumni Club and organiser for SFSC SCC June Camp 2011.
5. Planning to submit the form for NYJC Alumni Club... (Planning for a very long time now...)
6. Back to playing MapleStory with a new character who has a dragon which becomes uglier as I increase my level.... What a pity.. Should have taken a screenshot when it was still cute..
7. Planning to register for Japanese Language courses next month.. Hope all goes well and smoothly. >.<
8. Feeling extremely sleepy typing all of these.. Goodnight and sweet dreams... *yawns*

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

2010-12-24T23:55:00.000+08:00

I know it's not Christmas yet, but Merry Christmas to all those out there, reading this. Have fun on this joyous occasion when Jesus was born to this world! I have no idea what else to say at this point of time. My mind is a blank after my BFFs came over to my house for the Christmas party and left.. I miss those times where we could see each other almost everyday! Now, we have to schedule and reschedule just to fit a suitable time to meet up..

But! It is Christmas, not a time for fretting or getting frustrated. So Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year! TTFN! >.<

Long time no see!!!

2010-12-20T15:03:00.000+08:00

Yo! It has been like ages since I posted anything on this poor blog. I guess I have the time to blog now. XD So... What to say, what to say.

Right, about my previous post on the upcoming moving 'Beastly' that was supposed to premier in September, well, apparently it's set to premier next year instead. I forgot the exact date and as you all probably know, I'm too lazy to check again. Google it yourself if you're interested.

Next, about LIFE. What a huge 4-lettered word. Four letters hold so much meaning. Anyway, I'm 18, and I'm just beginning to experience life. Sure, many people think that this sucks. But I think that coming of age just makes life so much more interesting. So many more emotions and experiences that we have yet to discover, we are about to now. So, one advice for people afraid to move on. Don't think negatively, Que Sera Sera, and just enjoy the new freedom and responsibilities. We won't have much more time to enjoy this as we grow older. Cheers!

I just can't wait to get started on studying again. It's just extremely weird that I would want to study, isn't it? Probably because I have a little bit of regret regarding A Levels, but it's spilt milk and I doubt I can change the past or cry over it anyway. Que sera sera...

Beastly premiers

2010-07-05T15:35:00.002+08:00

Upcoming movie alert!

Well, by now, most people would have already watched The Twilight Saga: Eclipse. Some of you might say it sucked. To others, it was awesome. For people who noticed the small little details of the story and the hard work put in by the director to follow the words of Stephenie Meyer as closely as possible, like me, the movie was perfect for a 2-hour film.

But then I'm not here to talk about that, you could go to the previous post for my review on Eclipse.

I'm posting this to tell people I know about a movie that premiers on 09 September 2010. It is titled Beastly, a modern reprised version of Beauty and the Beast, starring Alex Pettyfer (beast), Vanessa Hudgens (beauty) and Mary-Kate Olsen (witch).

I don't know about you guys, but if you've watched Wild Child or Stormbreaker, you'd realise how cute and hot Alex Pettyfer is. Gosh, he would be like the British version of Robert Pattinson and Taylor Lautner. Well, that's for you to judge anyway.

So, please look forward to watching Beastly from 09 September 2010!

LoVe HuRtS, doesn't it? I don't know anymore..

The Twilight Saga: Eclipse review

2010-07-04T01:08:00.001+08:00

Just watched eclipse today. Well, technically, yesterday night. It was the best fictional movie I have ever watched. Much better than Harry Potter. Just wanted to say a few things about the movie (Spoiler alert! Don't read if you haven't watched the movie!):

1. Stephenie Meyer, you rock! For two reasons: a) You are the best vampire story writer of the century and I envy you for being able to communicate with your characters. Wish I could do the same with with mine. You are my second idol! My first is still Chris Ryan, sorry. b) You chose the right director to turn your work of art into a masterpiece. Can't really say the same for J.K. Rowling though. The last director totally wrecked the last movie.

2. Kristen Stewart, it's good that your acting is turning back to normal now. Twilight was by far the worst of your acting career. Gambatte ne!

3. David Slade, you did great by choosing to film the part when Alice used her powers during Jasper's training and kissing him exactly the way it was described in Meyer's book. Missed out some of the cute details where Bella said she wanted to die or when she stomped her foot and when she told Alice to plan her wedding, but still an awesome and amazing movie. Thank you!

4. Now about the characters, Carlisle, I think you are the hottest among the Cullens. Too bad you're already married.. Edward, I love when you sparkle. Well, because you're the only one who does.. None of the others let themselves sparkle.. Rosalie, being theatrical doesn't suit you, you're much better with Emmett. Thank God. In this case, your god would be Meyer. Lols. Jacob, look on the bright side, you're going to imprint soon. I'll know when you do, since your director will keep me updated soon enough.

4. Alice, you are so cute when you jumped on Jasper from the tree! You love walking on trees don't you? Lols. I really hope you keep an eye on the wedding dress designer for Bella. Make sure Bella looks gorgeous or else.. By the way, I know how you feel now, whenever you see the future. Thanks to Meyer Slade, I feel like I can see the future too. Haha.

5. I'm defintely buying the dvd when this comes out in the shops!

That's all, folks. Hope you like my review ofThe Twilight Saga: Eclipse, and agree with me as well. As a fiction reader and writer, I understand how each character feel and how they are created. But it's really hard to do it the way Meyer does. Maybe because I'm totally an amateur. The love, revenge, uncertainty, rivalry, lies, hesitation, loss, and so much more. Stephenie Meyer, I'll say this again. You rock to the ends of the world!

LoVe doesn't HuRt this time round. In fact, it's amazing what love can conquer.

我的欲望

2010-05-22T20:26:00.002+08:00

我想说，一个老师曾经对我们说过，部落格应该是用来写有意义的文章。但我还是要在这儿记载我自己的感想与情感。

我想。。。我开始长大了吧。我知道，虽然我这么说，大家还是会觉得我的想法是幼稚的。我现在是没有喜欢的人啦，但是，我非常想要拥有爱情。每次看见剧情里的恋人可以共同度过爱情里各种的难关，我就好羡慕。因为我也想要和自己爱的人一起共享喜，怒，哀，乐。

接吻的感觉，一定很奇妙吧。接吻时的那个想要更进一步的欲望，也一定很棒。这样说，总觉得有点色，可是，我想要有这种感觉。不只是想要，而是非常非常非常想要。这就是我的欲望。

一个最令我难以忘记的戏剧就是台湾的《恶魔在身边》。齐悦每次因为江猛而感到不安却无法把视线从阿猛身上移开。还有阿猛一次又一次让小悦困扰却又被小悦感染到单纯地追求幸福的感觉。这种为对方无限的付出和被对保护的关系，真的好让人羡慕。虽然那只是个假象，只是导演要求演员这样表现的情感，但是我知道，这种感情，世界上一定也存在着的。

最后，只想让大家知道，我会努力向爱情奔跑。当然，梦想也很重要。梦想和爱情是我这一生中，最想得到的东西吧。

不要误会，我的家人，亲戚和朋友，我也不会轻视。我绝对不会再被责骂为中色情友/亲了。为了欲望，加油吧！

Family Troubles..

2010-05-13T15:38:00.001+08:00

And I'm the one who does everything required to solve them..

Well, this goes to show just how much my family know each other.. I tackled the root of the problem which was fairly obvious, I must say. My dad sent flowers.. Which doesn't do much in my opinion.. For goodness' sake, is it that hard to pacify someone when the cause of anger is already known??

Anyway, is it also very difficult to forget an unhappy incident after one night's sleep? I don't get it..

LoVe HuRtS

I hate life.

2010-04-15T23:21:00.001+08:00

I hate it when people I care about leave my side without telling. Whether its a trivial matter such as not saying goodbye when we part ways every morning or goodnight when leaving me to face the night by myself, if you don't notify me that you're going off, I will hate you. Note that I use the word HATE! I mean it.

I know no one can help me in the areas I need help in. All I ask is just a little security that you will make your presence and absence known to me so I wouldb't wait like an idiot for sonething to happen. And when I turn to talk to you, you're gone. Do you know how that feels? When my heart shatters and I lose the mood to do anything at all? No! Of course you don't! It's sonething so simple yet everyone I know can't do it!

Just give me the bare minimum feeling of security that I deserve from this shitty world that I have to live in, will you? Keep that tiny flame of hope that encourages me to stay away from sharp objects burning. Life is meaningless with all my dreams that I've been telling almost everyone about. They're just dreams to tell me that I still exist and that's what I have to aim for to stay alive.

But the most important thing is whether I still want to stay alive or not. You people just do't get it, do you? Just wait till you see me leave this world before yoy. Maybe then, you'll understand.. But I honestly doubt it..

'Pain is good. It means I'm still alive.' If that is so, why am I not feeling it?

LoVe HuRtS

2010-04-13T11:40:00.001+08:00

不了解我的人没有资格批评我。

LoVe HuRtS

Planning

2010-03-18T15:42:00.002+08:00

Yes! I just found a way to relieve myself of my dilemma! Okay, here's the deal. I'll go study for an undergraduate Biomedical Science Honours Degree first next year, then after that, I'll pursue my dreams of being a doctor by taking a Graduate Medical Degree overseas! Yes, my dreams of traveling while learning to be a doctor will start once I turn 24. Not that old. Yes, that would be my plan. Go, Amanda! XD

LoVe doesn't HuRt so much anymore..

My dreams...

2010-03-18T10:51:00.000+08:00

I know this is like one in a million chance kind of thing.. But if I have the results to get into a medicine course, I don't want to study it in Singapore. If I studied in Singapore, I'll have to be stuck here for 10 years! And my dream is to travel and save lives all over the world! I can't let myself be stuck in Singapore! My destiny, or so I believe, is to see the world as it is! Not just Singapore. I've had enough of Singapore for a lifetime. Even now, I can't wait to leave!

My mun's right. This IS my home and family. But something greater is waiting for me out there and I will do whatever it takes to pursue it. And I will NOT wait till I'm 30 to do it! If there's a chance for me to go overseas now and be a doctor, I will take that chance and I will pay for the expenses myself. Don't use the cost as an excuse to turn me away from the world. I don't want to waste my life in this sucky country. I want out! I swear I will do whatever it takes to make my dream, of being a doctor who travels around the world saving the lives of the people who can't afford the hospital, come true before I turn into an old hag.

By the way, I don't plan on getting old. I'm dying as a young maiden and as an honourable warrior.

LoVe HuRtS

Work on more work

2010-02-24T18:21:00.000+08:00

Zannen desu. It's work on more work these days. Take Guzheng for example. I have to learn 2 scores and relearn another 2 because I was transfered to another section. Did I mention I have 42 Biology essays to cover? Yes, my efforts to catch up with the syllabus definitely has NOT paid off as I'm obviously still stuck in this vicious cycle of catching up, getting more homework and back to catching up again. I'm such a pitiful waste of life.

But, of course, that's only for now. I'm going to get back on track before mid-years, I so solemnly promise (since I cannot swear).

However! Have I also mentioned how difficult it is to solve differentiation and integration problems?? I keep getting stuck and I'm not even halfway through the tutorial! Jeez! At this rate, catching up will become a dream.. I'd better work harder or else...

LoVe HuRtS

STRESS!!!

2010-02-19T19:54:00.000+08:00

Oh man... I failed my Biology block test and now I have to complete 42 Bio essays in a week. And in that week, there 4 tests and even weeks have the longest days!! How am I supposed to juggle everything and still survive?? Not to mention I have 2 scores to memorize for Guzheng! Ah!!!!! TT-TT

Stressed...

Guzheng.... Sucks

2010-02-18T21:28:00.002+08:00

Like I said in the title, NYGZ sucks. I hate it. 4 more months and I don't have to go back anymore. 2 more performances and I'll get it over and done with... I love guzheng, but I hate NYGZ!

After a long long time... HELP!!!

2010-01-10T22:00:00.002+08:00

I don't know why, but it seems I'm beyond caring about my future. Yes, I still aim for a medical career, but surprisingly, my efforts towards that aim have stopped in its tracks... I know what I want to restart my engines... That's going to be hard, considering all the insults (or what I perceive as insults) I'll be getting as soon as I start school again...

What do I want? (Sounds like HSM3 huh? Remember Sharpay?) A single spotlight!

Jokes aside, what do I really want? I just need someone to be doing homework with me so I can actually finish what I'm supposed to do in the first place. I can't rely on my family. My sister is normal, I'm a nocturnal, so she's out. My parents don't bring work home, and their accompany (by reading or sleeping while I do my work) is all the more distracting, so they're out too. My friends? Either they're not near me anymore (at least not near enough) or they can't help me here... I don't know...

You know what I imagine? I imagine someone close to me, (in terms of age and academic peformance and relationship-wise) talking to me, not distracting me. Talking as in homework, whatever I'm doing at the moment... Yeah, like a close friend in the same class at the same level of intelligence with similar busy schedules...

But yeah right. Like that's ever gonna happen... Well, I'm hoping for the best... Wonder if there's anyone who can help me here........... *crossing my fingers and hoping I don't have to repeat another year in JC*

Do you know what TIME it is?

2009-12-02T22:30:00.002+08:00

Do you know what time it is? Do you really? It's 2230 hrs!!! Damn! I just turned on the comp at 2130 hrs to finish some unfinished business on Facebook and I get bombarded with msn windows all over the screen! I planned to sleep at 2230 hrs, which I promised myself because I haven't been getting much sleep lately. And by lately, I mean, say... the past 6 months?! Give me a break!

I don't mean to complain, since this is my own fault that I found so many things for myself to do. But I'm really not in the mood to go on any outings or plan anything... Can I ask for it to be planned already then inform me and I'll tell you if I can make it or not? I know everyone's busy... If the plan can't fit me then don't make it.. It's not like I'm indispensible.. Sorry, OK? I'm the kind of person who does things my way, and most of the time, my way don't flow with other people's ways.. So... Just make do...

Sorry.

Just so you all know, my fake holiday starts on Christmas eve. My real holiday starts on the day after the last A level paper. And what about now? Now is the period where all my energy gets eaten up by someone called TIME. I apologise for my sarcasm but I am really really very irritated right now.

Thank you for your kind understanding....

My Birthday... =.=

2009-10-20T20:15:00.002+08:00

It was a happy day! Only in the day though.. Now? I'm doing PW and hating it! I can't think of any insights or reflections I may even have while doing my WR. This is so not supposed to happen on an occassion like this! Ugh! Someone SAVE me!

一些心里话

2009-10-09T21:24:00.002+08:00

这只是一些心里话。今天考了华文，发现了一些事情。其实，我一点也不讨厌华文。反而，我还蛮喜欢读华文的。而且，我看的电视剧都是台湾的，香港的，大多数是用华文的。华文其实可以非常浪漫。所以啊，今天，我就用华文来打部落格。

啊！我忘了要打什么。一直被电视打扰。你知道吗？我看了那么多电视剧，尤其是台湾电视剧，我无时无刻都是想着我会不会有丰富美满的爱情生活。但每次想到这，我又不禁觉得我好像在做白日梦。现在最重要的，不就是学业吗？想什么啊我？花痴哦？

我的故事还没写完。。。我想，应该是时候继续了。在学校时，是我最好的灵感的关键。不知道为什么，在学校的心情，总是能给我很棒的灵感。反而是在度假时的灵感都让我非常不满意。

我告诉你们哦，我觉得，打华文字，真的很难。就打几个字嘛，就得打一大堆的英文字母。麻烦死了。你们可以试试看。哈哈。

电视正在‘播倚天屠龙记’，突然觉得‘青书’这个名字蛮好听的，可惜，那个角色真是个不争气的家伙。哎。

刚刚，我又在看‘福气又安康’，现在觉得，世界上怎么会有那么多利用人的真心和感情来得到自己所想要的东西。而且，有钱，有那么重要吗？钱是重要啦，但是，不需要当大富翁嘛。福安说的对，只要一家人能在一起，其他的都不重要了吧。哦，还有还有，她说，每个照片，都拥有它自己的故事，也就是我们的回忆。电视剧，常常都会有非常有异议的几番话，不是吗？

加油，大家！要幸福，安康，还有快乐！向前冲吧。

Sick...

2009-07-10T21:11:00.002+08:00

Being sick for 2 weeks ain't a comfortable situation... Feeling dizzy all the time and the medicine sucks! Got back some papers this week, results were okay I guess, except for chemistry which I failed miserably. I just don't get chemistry anymore! Biology is so much easier to understand. Sigh, my ears are blocked, either from too much sleep or from the flu.. Homework piling up again... Should I start doing? I did promise myself I'm gonna buck up... Lols.. Well, I'll go check out something first then maybe get myself to do some homework. Hahas.

Hmm...

2009-07-04T21:12:00.002+08:00

Yesterday was wonderful. Had a nice chat with Taba. >.< So happy.

Today sucked. Stomach cramps all day, from around 5 - 6 in the morning. Unbearable. No strength to even eat anything.. Legs feel like jelly.. Ugh..

To everyone in the world!!!

2009-06-17T21:08:00.001+08:00

Hi, I represent my group, a group of students from Nanyang Junior College, to ask this favour from people all around the world. The link below is a survey for our group's project work, a very important component of our final examinations. Your help in doing this survey will be much appreciated.

http://FreeOnlineSurveys.com/rendersurvey.asp?sid=48teuah7arwqos5610357

Please copy and paste the link if you can't click it. This survey is only available for 9 days. Please complete ASAP. Thank you very much XD

Depressed

2009-06-11T00:16:00.002+08:00

Is it really that hard for me to do something? Ah! My homework is still piling up and I totally have no intention of doing them. Even though I know I'll be in trouble for that. I don't want last minute stuff again. I have to at least get all C's and above for my mid-years. Otherwise, nothing is going to work out. All I'm thinking about is having fun, slacking, looking at the computer and doing nothing. That reminds me.. We should complete the survey for PW by end of the holidays right? Damn it, what kind of a leader am I? I suck at this! Jeez, wake me up already. I can't live in Soulle forever! My mind knows it, but my heart doesn't want to leave. Why is that so hard?

Help? Sigh...

This day.. (part 2)

2009-06-02T23:19:00.003+08:00

I'm sorry to all about what happened today. Namely Brandon, Rebecca and Bi Wen, especially Brandon. I was in a happy mood when we started. No idea how it ended up like that and I didn't mean to. I can't explain with words, that's what I'm terrible at, so I used demonstrations. I'm not sure I conveyed the message correctly to you. I know I sound like I'm imposing my views on you guys, but I mean.. I don't know what I mean...

I can't explain anything already because I've made it a habit to not explain when I think no one cares, so now even when I think some one cares, I can't because its ground into me since I don't even know when.

Just.. sorry okay?

I'm just a miserable piece of trash with attitude problems.

This day..

2009-06-02T23:12:00.003+08:00

This is one of the worst days of my life... I just want to cry... I never felt this misunderstood. I'm not asking for sympathy.. I just don't know why some people gets me and others don't at one point in time and then it's the other way around when I most don't need it. Reflection huh? Who is in that reflection? Bake-mono desu ka? Shiranai desu..

Econs

2009-05-07T23:19:00.003+08:00

Sobs... I don't know what to do with Economics! The graphs are confusing and I just draw it anyhow! I'm scared that if I got it wrong then Rebecca will also get it wrong.. It's a pair work after all.. It's so confusing.. What to do? TT-TT

IdeasInAction

2009-05-02T20:46:00.002+08:00

We went for the interview for IdeasInAction on thursday last week. It was quite a nervous one. Didn't say anything.. Was kinda afraid I'd say the wrong thing. Brain dead at the last minute? Lols. Thank goodness Ken Yin was there.

OH NO!

2009-04-16T19:34:00.002+08:00

Oh no! Lols. I've been saying that for the past hour... We've been shortlisted fot the YMCA Youth For Causes selection interview and I don't know what to do about it. We have absolutely no time to prepare for the interview, what with all the SYFs of 3 out of 4 members of Alpharis. This looks really bad. I can't possible ask Ken Yin to go to the interview by herself right? What to do?? Tomorrow's the results of the IdeasInAction selection.I have a feeling we may not get that one. So do we forfeit this? Or use the rest of our energy to make up something for the interview? I don't know. It's too rush for me to decide.. I want to ask someone, but it's so late, who can I ask?? AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!

New Blog

2009-04-13T21:38:00.002+08:00

Oh, don't be mistaken by the title of the post. I've just created a new blog, but at the same time keeping this one. From now on, this blog will only have personal elements while the new one has the elements of Soulle, Chris and Ethan. I've moved all the related posts to the new blog. Here's the link: http://soulleandchris.blogspot.com. Go here and post your comments okiies, peeps? There is no tagboard in that blog, so only comments are allowed, just like a real website of any other author. Well, I'll keep you'all posted on any other changes. Cheros!

Just a quick note

2009-04-12T23:55:00.003+08:00

Oo.. Did I make everyone worry about me with that long post? Lols.. Don't worry, guys. If I can post things like that, it means I won't get depression or a breakdown. If I keep it all inside, then well, you wouldn't know anyway, since it's all kept inside. Yeah, well, sorry for making you all worry. Hehes. Nights, everyone! Sweet dreams.

Sleepy

2009-04-09T22:49:00.002+08:00

Yo, people. How are you doing? I'm only online because I thought I'd see him online. But he's not. He promised he'll try to be online though. It is late after all. He's most probably asleep after preparing the whole day to go for Kawaii-Kon. I wanna see him cosplaying pikachu! Hahas. Wonder if he'll take pictures...

Well, today's not only about him. I did some pretty dumb things today too. Like being so preoccupied by something that happened that I can't decide on what to do during P.E. Like I wanted to join in, but I don't want to play captain's ball, modified or not. Then I took off my skirt, I don't even know why. I just thought I had to... My brain's going haywire... And I think I might have been a little too rude to my PW teacher. But honestly, he can't understand my work and I can't understand his comments. We just belong to different frequencies.. I can't change the way I write to make him understand what I mean. And most of the time, nobody knows what I mean, except my mum and yingjun and yeesin... You three are the most important people in my life. At least you know what I'm talking about and won't keep me on the edge when you think something is happening... I kinda really hate it when someone says "Oh!! Something happened.. erm.. Nevermind." That is really irritating. Especially when TWO people are doing that to me for the whole week.

Don't mean to offend anybody here. But, well, you know.. It's just so.. Ugh!!

I miss my old life and friends. I honestly don't think I'll be able to open up to my new friends. Or even rebecca, for that matter. Why is it just so hard to do this? Yingjun, yeesin, I miss you girls! Why are you two so far away? There are so many things I wanna talk with you about and I can't because you're not with me. And when I act stupid, I don't feel stupid with you two around, and we laugh like mad no matter what day it is. I miss those days. I miss PHS already. And I always complain about the school... Love you, girls. I wanna hug you two so much! Yingjun! I miss doing homework with you! And I miss going to class with you. It's just not the same without you. Everything's so different! I hate it. I hate the fact that this isn't what I expected it to be. I hate the fact that I'm not used to it already. I hate the fact that I can't act as I used to in PHS. I'm being more open to ideas at least, but I'm still that defensive against criticism. Sigh. I'm that bad right? It's a rhetorical question.

I'll just go sleep and forget about everything and start over again. It's time I let go and be independent. No more yingjun to depend on.

Should I trust God again? I lost my faith a few years ago. Should I try to regain it? I feel bad when I know I'm hurting someone's feelings and I still do it anyway. Would there be anything I do that doesn't cause a bad effect on others?

By the way, I ran out of inspiration today. Just can't get the right mood...

One last thing for this long post. My mum told me one morning that I've been trying to do everything myself. Yeah, I guess I should let other people do some things as well, since I'm in a team. But then, I always forget some things. And I feel like I'm the only one who's enthusiastic about the projects. And the way people are looking at them just makes me wanna give up and throw the projects away! Ialways thought I was one who doesn't give up easily. Now, I realised that I actually gave up many times and I just don't see it. I run away a lot from problems. I try to be like Alex in Alpha Force and Jake in Animorphs and Rob in Internet Detectives, but it's just not possible. I always look for help, but I guess I'm just trying to request, or well, demand for people to tell me how to do things because I'm clueless about everything.

I'm not as smart or as capable as I thought I was. Over-confidence is a bad thing. But how much is over? And I know having low self-esteem does not feel good at all. Plus, I worry about so many things and nobody knows the amount of effort I've put in to do something, which I will not specify. I'm not looking for sympathy. I do hate it when people misunderstand me. Oh ya, that reminds me. I want to clarify something.

You know, when people think I'm pissed when I'm not, and they show that they think I'm pissed, I get really angry because they think so. This may seem unreasonable to some people, but this is normal for people, you know. Because you know what, you people around me, especially those who think I'm unreasonable, also do this a lot to me. Getting angry 'cause I thought you were angry. I just wanna make one point. I actually try to not sound as if I'm jumping to conclusions. I ask, "are you angry?" without sounding like I meant "Why are you angry?" Get the difference. Which sounds more irritating? The latter right? Can't you people just get it??? Do I have to spell it out for you?

I guess I'm going to sleep already. Too many things going through my head and I can't possibly pen them all down. Just have to let them circle in my mind for a few more years, maybe they'll just go away or maybe they'll cause depression. Not my priority right now. Goodnight. Lols.

Soulle

2009-03-30T22:29:00.002+08:00

Ok, just a quick review of today.

I remember I laughed a lot and very hard when the CRAWZ guys were taking pictures in school. Zong Ying look really funny in the nerd spectacles, so I can't stop laughing and laughing. That was my first real laugh I had since NYJC days started. Lols.

Anyway, the main thing is, as I was coming home from school, I suddenly got some inspiration and wrote a huge part of Chris and Ethan's development of their relationship. I just wrote on some parts where they displayed love for each other through body language, like nods and eye contact and hugs... Although the whole pat was kinda sorrowful but... the whole story is sorrowful so.. hahas..

Kaes, gotta go! See you all tomorrow! My Beloved Readers-to-be. >.<

Upgrading

2009-03-29T22:15:00.002+08:00

Heys people. I'm trying to use the new layout for blogger. So, well, bear with the link-less, tagboard-less, music-less and ugly layout for the moment. At least until I manage to spice it up a little. Thanks for understanding. Just post a comment instead of tagging, since there's no tagboard. Lols.

Today...

2009-03-27T23:49:00.002+08:00

Wow.. Guzheng practice started at 5pm today. It was supposed to end at 7pm. But we ended up leaving at 9.30pm. I had my dinner at 10pm. I guess it should be called a supper, yeah? Well... The LT4 was very cold on the stage. You can feel my skin was as cold as ice. Or maybe colder even. Now, my eyes are closing as I type this. Suddenly missed Yingjun and Yeesin so much today. I just suddenly felt so out of place everywhere without you two. I finally got some ventilation in my inner system. It felt quite good. But, more management is still needed. I guess I should go sleep now. There's practice again tomorrow.. Sigh...

Tiring much?

Pictures

2009-03-26T23:34:00.004+08:00

Hey PW group members. Sorry for the late late post of these photos. Download them if you like. >.<

Tired but a little Motivated... I think...

2009-03-24T22:54:00.003+08:00

I just realised I've been posting and tagging really sad things. Honestly, I'm kinda tired by having everything going on at full speed. I really wish things would just slow down. But as 'Troy' had said in HSM3, "nothing is going to slow down". How true indeed. I should just hasten my pace a little. Though, that is what I've been avoiding for the past 4 years in Secondary School.

You know, when I complain to some people about JC life, they ask, "why not try poly?" Then I would answer, "and want me to drop out of JC? Not gonna happen. Poly ain't making me a doctor.." Yeah, I guess that would be my motivation? Sigh.. I don't know what to think.. I contradict myself all the time. Going crazy anytime soon..

I just need a little time to catch up. Is that something so hard to get? Oh, actually I know the answer. It's yes, who gets to control time anyway? Hmm.. I guess I'll just have to work a little harder..

Next on, it will be on the topic of friends. Y-cubed and ADJRWY want outings and meetings and stuff. I don't really have time nowadays. My time is in other people's hands. I have no choice if I want to take part in SYF. I'm on the verge of getting kicked out already. Please understand... I really want to see you guys, I mean girls, too..

Well, that's all for now. Let's not take too much time on this. It's already 1104hrs.. Sayonara minna. Muacks. Hugs. Miss you all!

YJ's Quiz

2009-03-18T21:21:00.002+08:00

1. Answer the questions as honestly as possible.
2. Post this as "Did That Happen To You?"
3. Tag 10 friends.
4. Everyone tagged has to do the same thing.
5. Have Fun!!!

1. What do you do if you are in the bathroom with a beetle flying around?
i'll scream and run out the door like i'm being chased by an accelerating car.

2. What do you do if you hear a song you like playing on the radio when you are all alone in your own room?
i'll note it down if i duno wad the title is. or if i do, i'll start singing or just bask in the music.

3. You want to speak to your crush badly. What is your pick up line? (Yes. Both boys AND girls have pick up lines)
what are pick up lines? lols.

4. What do you do if all your friends hate a particular band that you love?
so what? i got my own taste.

5. What do you do when you trip and fall in front of many people?
blush?

6. You forgot to do your multiple-choice question homework (the one whereby you have to choose 1 out of 4 options given to you as your answer) and your class starts in 5 minutes. What do you do?
just try and complete or just randomly fill in the answers.

7. You have bad breath and someone speaks to you. How do you react?
mm.. mmhm.. and nothing else.

8. You just finished gym and after a shower, you drop your underpants on the wet floor. What do you do?
pick up and keep la. then leave it on the floor and say not mine meh?

9. What do you do if a personality quiz says that you have a lousy personality as your result?
dun believe and take another quiz.

10. Your friend gave you the worst gift you have ever received and asks: Do you like it? How do you react?
how can gifts be bad at all? its the thought that counts. >.<

11.(Continued from question 10) What are you really thinking secretly inside?
what am i going to do with it......? lols.

12. A hot guy/girl keeps looking at you while you are on the bus. What are you secretly thinking inside?
come sit besde me and start conver. i wan talk to you too! hahas.

tags:
1. taba
2. zong ying
3. roy
4. kenneth
5. weisiang
6. julie
7. nidia
8. lynn
9. haziqah
10. jocelyn

KBOX day

2009-03-16T21:38:00.003+08:00

YO! Everyone, soulle is back! Anyway, I went to KBox yesterday. Did I say? Mm.. Guess not. Well, it was somehow what I imagined. The only difference is we're not as dramatic as we were in my fantasies.. Hahas, which is good actually. Because if we were as I imagined, then that would be a hilarious sight to see.

You know, I've been thinking for a while, that making a music video like those of singers with a storyline would be something fun to do. Anyone want to do it with me during longer holiday breaks? Then maybe I can add in some elements Soulle in it then it would be, like, advertising my story? Wow.. Lols.

So, homework is piling up. Supposed to be doing some of it today, but I'm here, so I can't be doing it. All knows I can't multi-task... Lols. Guess I'll be lagging behind again? But I don't want to lag behind! I'm supposed to be the future doctor.. How can I be so lazy... This is bad...

Oh, scratch that.. Forget that for now, we'll start over tomorrow.. Now, I'm starting to sound like I'm talking to myself.. Oh oh! Did I mention that I got a deja vu in school today? Well, I did. And it was like.. Deja vu! Hahas.. Lame..

Just updating for the sake of updating.. Tata for now! =D

Quizzes again...

2009-03-06T22:55:00.002+08:00

Write the names of 21 friends you can think off the top of your head, and then answer the questions. Say you’re guessing if you don’t know, but at least guess on all of them. After doing this, tag your 21 friends to do the same.

1. yingjun
2. yeesin
3. linde
4. taba
5. roy
6. rebecca
7. kenneth
8. weisiang
9. zongying
10. wengsun
11. jocelyn
12. dew
13. patricia
14. michelle
15. derek
16. javier
17. nicholas
18. mattheus
19. david
20. elias
21. jenssen

*How did you meet 7?
on the net. playing maplestory. XD

*What would you do if you had never met 15?
i nvr would've known where to go to learn archery.

*What would you do if 20 and 1 dated?
astounded. but i wun break them up if they liked each other, though that's highly unlikely.

*Have you ever seen 17 cry?
nope.

*Would 4 and 16 make a good couple?
no, duh! that would be gay.... =.=

*Do you want to be 13's friend forever?
would like to.

*Do you think 11 is attractive?
yes i think so. she an be as amazing as she wants to be. >.<

*What’s 5’s favorite color?
i think i asked b4.. but i forgot.

*When was the last time you talked to 9?
a few minutes ago on msn. does that count?

*What language does 8 speak?
english and chinese and maybe some other dialect..

*Who is 13 going out with?
duno.

*What grade is 16 in?
primary sch.

*Would you ever date 17?
no way. he's way too slack for me. no offense, cousin..

*Where does 18 live?
pretty far from me..

*What is the best thing about 4?
he's kind and caring. <3

*What would you like to tell 10 right now?
go find an aussie bf, they're not bad ma. hahas

*What is the best thing about 20?
i'm not sure..

*Have you ever kissed 2?
flying kiss counted anot?

*What’s the best memory you have of 5?
playing maplestory tgt. lols.

*When’s the next time you’re going to see 4?
maybe 2-3 yrs ltr.. that wld be the first time, not the next.

*How is 7 different from 6?
diff. gender? lols.

*Is 2 pretty?
no, not pretty. but she's definitely cute. kawaii!

*What was your first impression of 15?
enthu guy.

*How did you meet 3?
forgot.. just met him somehow..

*Is 15 your best friend?
no, just frens.

*Do you hate 12?
no

*Have you seen 18 in the last month?
no, nvr met him b4.

*When was the last time you saw 16?
CNY.

*Have you been to 5’s house?
nope.

*When’s the next time you’ll see 10?
june hols.

*Are you close to 11?
kinda. we stick tgt when we meet lor. during family gatherings mostly.

*Have you been to the movies with 4?
would like to.. TT-TT

*Have you gotten in trouble with 8?
ya, kinda.. if you count being troubled by smses..

*Would you give 19 a hug?
no, not realli.

*When have you lied to 3?
dun think i have.

*Is 11 good at socializing?
hmm think so..

*Do you know a secret about 8?
no

*Describe the relationship between 12 and 18.
strangers.

*What’s the best thing about your friendship with 9?
good fren. very gentlemanly. lols.

*What’s the worst thing about 6?
temper? lols. we're the same species, but i got a little more self-control. =P

*Have you ever had a crush on 12?
no way.. she's a girl.

*How long have you known 2?
more than 4 yrs and counting.

*Have you ever been in a fight with 13?
nope.

*Does 11 have a bf/gf?
yes. parents, dun read this. =P

*Have you ever wanted to punch 1 in the face?
NO WAY! why would i? she's my sweetheart, my angel, my bff, my everything. with ys la, of course.

*Has 21 met your mother?
duh, we're cousins..

*How did you meet 11?
cousins.

*Did you ever accidentally physically hurt 3?
no. dun think i've even touched him b4.

*Do you live close to 7?
no. quite far i think.

*What is 8’s favorite food?
nvr asked.

*What kind of car does 1 have?
no car. her dad's car. lols.

*Have you traveled anywhere with 9?
yes, to the coffee shop outside sch.

*If you gave 14 $100, what would he/she spend it on?
i not sure realli.

Back from hell...

2009-02-27T15:40:00.002+08:00

Okay, the title's a little exaggerating. But, the main thing is I'm back! Woohoo! Home sweet home! Felt like adding some French in here, but cat got my tongue, so.. Hahas. Anyway, looking forward to going back to school. Missing out on things can be so.. Frustrating! But then again, what's better than an excuse from work? But then, what's worse than having work piled up overnight? But then.. Oh, this can go on forever.

Ok, here's the newest news. Team Alpha is on the go! Though I might just start another one when I meet people from all over the world and we just click, and maybe I'll really start this 'Save the world' mission with people who really really share my sentiments about Alpha Force. It tells the stories of a wonderful team. And the world honestly needs some cleaning up. Who better to do it than myself, right? If everyone just waited for someone to do the job, who knows what might happen? Team Alpha is set up. New names will be coming out. HOWEVER, I'm still waiting for the chance that a REAL Alpha team, whose mission is to bring justice to the world, will come by my way. =D

Oh ya, really sorry about my absence for the NYAA stuff and making all of you wait for me.. I'll try to come back as soon as possible, I'm not one who likes missing out on stuff and waiting either. So, pray hard! Lols.

And I'm suddenly so sad that it's not secondary school anymore... Wanna know why? I'll just tell you. Because, there's no more narrative writing anymore!!! Sobs... Sniffs... Cries... Buries my head in my hands and cry my heart out! No more narrative!!! What am I going to do? Narratives are like, the only thing that makes English that interesting. What's so nice about argumentative essays? Stories are way better! You can just obtain facts from everywhere! But imagination! Imagination is the life! It's the only fun in writing and it's being taken away from me! Sigh... I'll just continue on Soulle during free days in the holidays, if I can find any..

Gotta go! See you all tomorrow!

>>> JC

2009-02-18T18:59:00.002+08:00

SORRY SORRY!! It's been exactly 18 days since the last time I blogged. Very sorry, guys. Oh, by the way, I have no idea what wengsun's talking about when she mentioned two questions. I know it's a long time ago. Sorry again.

Well, want to know what I think of JC life? I think it just plain sucks. So many things to do in so little time. But it's not really appropriate for me to complain. Since I still continue slacking. And Biology lecture! So fast! But the General Paper lecture was s-l-o-w. Hahas. I think I'll be able to participate more in tutorials in JC than in class in Sec Sch. Less people in a class, so I feel more comfortable? Maybe.. I'm not sure.

I don't have Guzheng practice today! So happy. Hahas. But something really really bad about JC is that it needs a lot of money! I already paid like more than $200 for school stuff. It is so expensive!!! Sigh...

Sorry, abit distracted now, the tv's on. Later!

Quiz on YJ's blog... So LONG!

2009-01-31T22:59:00.002+08:00

A. People who have been tagged must write their answer in their blog.
B. Tag 8 people to do this quiz and those who are tagged cannot refuse. These people who are tagged and cannot tag the person who they were tagged by.
C. Continue this game by sending this to 8 other people:
Jocelyn, Taba, The person reading this, Anybody (:

1: What have you been doing recently? singing, on the comp.
2: Do you ever turn your cell phone off? No.
3: What happen at 10am today? Auditioning for NYJC.
4: When did you last cry? Can't remember.
5: Do you believe in fate/destiny? I guess.
6: What do you want in your life now? I'm not sure.
7: Do you tend to make relationships complicated? Not sure either.
8: Are you wearing anything you borrowed for someone? No.
9: What was the last movie you caught? I don't remember...
10: Does the person you like knows that you like him/her? I guess?
11: Who always makes you laugh? Me. I make people laugh then laugh with them. =D
12: Do you speak languages other than English? Chinese, a little of Japanese and French and Cantonese.
13: Favourite website(s)? No favourites.
14: What are you doing tommorow? Going my uncle's house.
15: What do you think you are like? Dead, if I don't buck up.
16: Who would you choose to die with? My arch enemy, if I have one. I'll make them go down with me whatever it takes.
17: Where have you been today? Around Singapore...
18: What game do you play often? Not much, I don't play many games. People don't play with me either.
19: Who you missing right now? Nobody at the moment. I'm at peace.
20: If you have to choose between a friend and a lover, who will you choose? I hate questions like this. I'll listen to my heart.
21: What are you doing right now? Answering this question. =P
22: Which primary school were you from? Sembawang.
23: Name 3 colours you like? Pink, white, black.
24: What emotion do you like to show? Happy.
25: What is life to you? Life is the past, the present and the future...
26: If you have something troubling you, what would you do? Solve it if I'm enthu enough or forget it if I'm lazy.
27: Who did you last chat with on msn? Mattheus.
28: Who do you admire the most? Famous writers.
29: Which month you born in? October.
30: How you feeling right now? Sorethroat..
31: What's the time now? 11.17pm
32: Your opinion on the person who tagged? LOVES!
33: What color do you like to dye your hair? I am so not destroying my hair with chemicals even though I love Chemistry!
34: Why you doing this quiz? There's really nothing else to do.
35: What do you do when you are moody? Sulk?
36: At which stage do you wish to get married? When I want to.
37: Who is closer to you? Yingjun.
38: Who is/are the people/person you trust the most? Will anybody be offended if I said me? Yingjun maybe? I tell her everything..
39: Do you believe in seeing the rainbow after the rain? Technically, it does happen so I do. But if you meant that as a metaphor then I'm not so sure..
40: If you have a dream come true, what would it be? Getting everything I want.
41: What is your goal for this year? Healthy lifestyle and good academic results?
42: Do you believe in eternity love? Eternal love, you mean? But yes, at least I want to..
43: What feeling do you love the most? Love...
44: Do you really think it is global warming now? Yes. It's like on the news already.
45: Do you like quizzes? It depends on my mood..
46: Do you believe in gods? Ha.. Lols.. Am I supposed to answer that?..
47: Who cares you the most? Same as qn 38. People may be offended, but I have to say me..
48: What do you think is the most important thing in your life? To have done my best.
49: What will you bring when you fight? Physically or psychologically? A psychological works the best if you ask me. Best to have a hand over the opponent.
50: What have you regretted doing in your whole life? Not doing my best..
51: What do you do if nobody cared for you any longer? I'll agree with YJ on that: I'll just keep myself company.
52: What will you do if you boyfriend/girlfriend two-timed you? I'll break his legs and castrate him. Of course, I might end up just giving him a hard tight slap and walk away.
53: How you feel now? Neutral.

Appeal day? Lols..

2009-01-31T22:44:00.002+08:00

HI! Everyone! I am super high right now. So high and hyper that I feel like narrating whatever I am typing. Hahas. I just sang the whole night and coughing the whole time. Can't help it, I'm just too hyper now. I feel like I've just received a huge amount of ecstacy or something or what's the hormone that is produced when you're happy? Well, anyway too sore to sing, but still hyper. What am I going to do with myself! Oh, I forgot, the title is appeal day and I haven't said a single word about it yet.

I went to Nanyang JC for the Guzheng audition and met Lin lao shi there. I hope she will let me in more easily. I tried AJC too. But I doubt I can make the cut. Well, that's about it. Not going to say the stuff I don't want to remember 'cause I don't want to lose my hyper mode...

Anyway, got to drink water now. My mum's going to get mad if I keep hurting my throat and not doing anything about it. TTFN!

Emotional..

2009-01-26T23:45:00.003+08:00

Well, suddenly getting a message from someone quite special who's been out of contact since I forgot when is most certainly, well, should I say, emotional? I was just beginning to give up! But, whatever. Nothing's going to change. Still same old pathetic me. This isn't working out at all, is it? I was actually going to watch Da Capo or something when I decided to check out my blog and what happens? Surprise much? Could've at least replied the email. That would've been much more helpful, honestly.

No offense to those who don't understand this post. Just so everyone knows, all of my post are mostly directed to someone in particular or no one at all. So, well, you know. It's either full of meaning for only the people involved, or just a load of crap. Take your pick.

Well, the MAIN reason I wanted to blog is today's first day of CNY! Going to end in 10 minutes, but it's still today. I'm looking forward to tomorrow when I'll see all the cousins I can actually PLAY with. Please pardon the caps, 'cause I'm too lazy to press ctrl+I for italics or move the mouse to click on the italics icon, so I'm using caps instead. Back to the playing, well, actually, most of the time when I'm really bored and without a computer, I want to play a board game with everyone adult or children. Board games like Monopoly or The Game of Life are fine with me. I just want to PLAY! I mean, is it just so hard to sit down and play a board game with me? Sobs..

BUT! If there were babies or small children who are 7 or younger, I would gladly play with them. I don't mind baby games, you know. They're just so cute, I can simply watch them all day! And that's one of the reasons I'm excited about tomorrow too. Elysia is a little more than a month old. She's very cute. Sleeps too much, but I love carrying her while she sleeps. I want to carry her the whole day tomorrow and when she can talk, I would definitely love to hear her call me Jie Jie. She's going to be so cute! Because of children, honestly, I could gladly take medicine course end up a paediatrician just to interact with them. Though, I would still put being a surgeon first as a career choice. But kids! Love them! They're so small and innocent and they make you wish you could be like them, don't they? They just receive all the love they can get and don't have to do anything about it. Don't have to show their appreciation or anything. Them just being themselves just makes people happy the way they are. No complicated emotions, just plain simplicity.

Simplicity... That word can mean a lot, don't you think? Anything can be simple if you think it is. But humans tend to think so much.. Thinking logically is one of the things I really hate doing. Though imagining would be a very different kind of thinking. I have fun imagining the plot and scenarios in my story, but when it comes to the logic in the story, I get a headache. I get the logic, I can put it in, but still, I really hate doing it. But I have to love it now, don't I? If I'm going to be what I want to be? Hard work and effort's got to be put in for anything to pay off in the end.

Love is the same, isn't it? People say, all is fair in love and war. But when something you love is in the possession of someone else, would you ever get it back just by working harder or putting in more effort? Or in another sense, would you bear to take it back from the other person who might love that something as much as you do? Some might say that it's up to the something to choose who it wants to be with, but what if it can't, what if it doesn't?

Shucks! What am I talking about? I'm still young, I should focus more on my studies and actually gain a chance at getting into medicine school right? Before I worry about stuff like those mentioned above.

But seriously! I was just beginning to give up and forget everything! I thought it was.. Well, seems like what I thought never happens, does it? Maybe I SHOULD just forget about thinking. I thought, I thought, I thought! I'm sick of that line already! I want to be that Amanda from I don't know how many years ago. That Amanda who's always confident, herself, doesn't mind so much what people say about her and does what she thinks is right for her, doing things her own way! Where is she now? She seems like a thousand miles away, so far that my voice can't reach her anymore. The confidence, slipping away like the flow of a river. Thoughts streaming in from thin air, like the rain flooding the grounds. A mask slowly forming, but covered in cracks. A jigsaw almost completed, but when the wind blows, the pieces are messed up again. What am I exactly?

Lols.. I think my English is getting better. That last paragraph could be something I can use for my story when Chris gets emotional too. Wouldn't that be nice?

Sigh.. I'm losing hope.. And I just used some of that SilkyGirl perfume 'HOPE' this afternoon. Maybe like the perfume, hope is there when you shower yourself in it, then slowly, it leaks away until you do it again, fill yourself with new and more hope? Is that it?

I'm thinking a lot tonight, aren't I? Maybe some of what I say here may spark something in some people after reading this. I know someone who might understand. She's someone who understands me better than many people I've met in my life. That would be Yingjun. We can relate to similar experiences and have thought same things many times and feel the same way about many things. We might be complete opposites in some ways, but in others, we just click. That's the deep part about our friendship, I think. Sounding mushy here, but thanks Yingjun. You're a great friend.

And of course you are my best friend too, Yeesin. I'll never forget about you. We don't connect on a deep kind of level, but when it comes to child-like thinking and creativity, we are two of a kind. Hahas. You're the extreme of happy and being with you makes me happy too. Just, no offense, but talking too long on the phone with you is tiring. And don't misunderstand, I've found a completely logical explanation for this already. I think that it's tiring because, when we're talking, we on hyper mode, and being on hyper for too long will be tiring for anyone. Well, anyone who's not Yeesin. You are just hyper-girl. You can never be tired of being hyper, yeah? Hahas. You're hyper, when you're sad too. So, you must never keep your feeling bottled up okay? It's best to let it go. I'm not going to say 'I will be there for you if you need me' because I won't make a promise I can't keep. But I'll always try to be. We're friends right? So must tell me if you need my help. I won't hesitate to help you if it's in my power to do so.

Well, enough about the mushy stuff. It's really late already. This will be the longest post I've ever posted in my entire life up till now. I don't know what the future will hold, so I won't say forever. This is the most meaningful post I've posted too. Even if people who read this may not understand, but as I typed this, I discovered many things. Blogging is good way to know myself better after all. Criticising people is really not my style, I just do it for show since I felt I needed to say something. I feel really bad, really. I'm sorry if I offended anyone in the past four years in PHS.

I'll try to find the person I was before she was a thousand miles away. Maybe running to her will get me closer. I've been strolling up till now. Slacking in everything I do. I'll make more concerted attempts at attempting. No more slacking for me. Hahas.

HAPPY MOO YEAR!

2009-01-25T22:35:00.002+08:00

Happy Chinese New Year Everyone!

I didn't blog the whole of last week, did I? I was unfortunately and terribly sick and feverish for 5 whole days! But I'm okay now, and just suffering from a little sorethroat and some coughing now and then. Thanks for those who were concerned about me! Arigatou ne, Yingjun-chan, Yeesin-chan, Rebecca-chan!!!! DA-I-SU-KI! And my parents were worried too, of course. Komen komen.

Well, it's Chinese New Year tomorrow and tonight is it's eve. Traditionally, children should stay up as late as possible so as to allow their parents to have a long life. That's called 守岁. But I feel sleepy already. Lols.. No worries, I have my computer with me after all.

I'm watching the show at Chinatown on TV. But, what the... They should let the contestants do the luck stuff themselves, right? The stars help them spin the wheel and got nothing for them, they wouldn't like it! Stupid people. Sorry, sorry. New year now. Must choose my words carefully. Hahas.

Mm.. I'm in quite a good mood now. Should I continue on my story? I'm finally on the second chapter! And I need advice. The reason I don't post anything here is because I'm afraid people will poach my ideas, you know. But then, nobody would get to read it. But then again, I keep changing stuff here and there, so maybe it's a good thing I don't post it here yet? Not until I finish the whole thing? Hahas. I'm not sure...

Oh, just saying. There are two movies I want to watch. They are 大喜事 and Bride Wars. Anybody want to watch but have not? When do you want to watch? I want to watch! Hahas.

Anyway, I should stop here before I get anymore random thoughts. The post is getting longer by the minute and more risky to lose all data 'cause I don't have a back-up. There's still the auto-draft thingy here, but just to play safe. Ta-ta!

y-cubed video

2009-01-19T11:22:00.004+08:00

Hey, everyone! I have sucessfully finished producing a video featuring y-cubed. It's posted on youtube, but here's the link. Enjoy!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9MNOuOir2e8

Or if you find it troublesome to go to youtube, you can view it here as well.

My heart will go on

2009-01-16T18:51:00.002+08:00

After watching the babe version of Don't Forget the Lyrics Singapore, I've been crazy over Celine Dion's My Heart Will Go On again. Yes, I do believe it's the best song ever written to portray love and sacrifice, like Rose and Jack's love for each other on Titanic. I want to watch the movie again! It's so touching! Sobs... I think I can cry just listening to the song.. TT-TT

For those who don't know the lyrics of the song, here they are:

Every night in my dreams
I see you, I feel you
That is how I know you go on
Far across the distance and spaces between us
You have come to show you go on

Near, far
Wherever you are
I believe that the heart does go on
Once more, you open the door
And you're here in my heart and
My heart will go on and on

Love can touch us one time
And last for a lifetime
And never let go till we're gone
Love was when I loved you
One true time I hold to
In my life we'll always go on

Near, far
Wherever you are
I believe that heart does go on
Once more, you open the door
And you're here in my heart and
My heart will go on and on

You're here
There's nothing I fear
And I know that my heart will go on
We'll stay forever this way
You are safe in my heart and
My heart will go on and on

The Beach!!!

2009-01-15T22:46:00.002+08:00

Yupp! Like my title said, I went to the beach! More precisely, the Palawan Beach at Sentosa. It was fun. Lots of fun! We built a sandcastle! Didn't look that nice, but still, we did it without much tools. We mostly used our hands... And we played a bit of volleyball. Gave up when we couldn't hit the ball over the stupid net. Honestly, the net's made for tall people, not short people like me! Lols. Then we went over to the bridge to take pictures. And back to Vivo to eat ice-cream. Didn't get to eat the green tea flavour though... Wanted to though.. Sigh... Have to wait till next tuesday for my green tea ice-cream I guess. Hahas. The worst thing about going to Sentosa is that I have to bring the ball and it made the bag so heavy! The bag itself weighs a ton! And add the ball... *shakes head* I thought my shoulder was going to dislocate, but seems like it all right now though. Hahas. It's still a bit sore, but ok I guess. Hmm. Nothing much to say honestly...

Logging off...

I'm confused..

2009-01-14T18:57:00.003+08:00

I found out something today, not really in the mood to say what, but it just hurts. A little, I guess, not too much, since I didn't really cry, just felt like it. What does it feel like when someone is talking to you on msn one minute and stops the next? And it feels like he just disappeared and you keep waiting for his reply?

I don't really mean to complain, it feels so rude. I'm just sad, angry, hurt, guilty and a bunch of other things as well. And I don't dare to show that I'm feeling what I'm feeling. But when I actually do, I feel so guilty. To put it simply, I'm just confused. Besides, I keep thinking I know stuff when I mixed things up. There's really nothing when I think there's something.

I don't know what to think. I just keep getting tangled up in emotions. And the person I want to read this will never read this. Not until I tell him to, I guess. Or maybe not even if I say so.

I hate this. I hate everything. No, I don't hate anything. I can't. I just feel like a bombshell's been dropped and the problem just died. That part of me is not anymore. Dead. Nothing else. Wait, there is something. Guilt. All I ever feel is guilt. But I don't know what to do with it. I just let it engulf me and think I'm so pitiful when I'm really pathetic.

Now I have a low morale and self-esteem... What's it with me, really? Wallowing in self-pity? Ha! I'm a pathetic little girl. I should do something about this. I should. But what? When I feel anything but happy, I say things I shouldn't. And then feel guilty about it. What do you make of that? I say wrong things when I'm sad, I say it wrong when I'm mad, I say everything wrong. I think everything wrong. Everything I do is practically a hate magnet.

I want to make people happy. But all I can do is make my friends laugh. My family never laughs at my jokes. Maybe they didn't understand them. And I don't really like joking, to be honest. I just thought it was necessary so people would laugh. That's being hypocritic, isn't it.

But I can't help it now anyway. It's become a habit. Whether I feel like it or not, the 'humour' just blurts out on its own.

My imagination's running wild in the most incomprehensible way anybody can imagine. I don't like it.

I won't say the word 'hate' anymore. It's nothing more than more heartbreak...

O level results

2009-01-12T18:35:00.002+08:00

AH! The results are out! And... I got a 12... Not a really good result I might say. Not what I expected.. But I did prepare for the worst. I never got a single digit L1R5 anyway. So, guess I just got my average results for the whole of last year? Sigh.. Being overly excited.. Am I hiding my disappointment? I am disappointed by the way.. Guess I'm not hiding it since I just made it known huh? Lols.. Not sure what to say now.. I don't really think I should continue my story with this kind of feeling... I'll just have to put it on hold for awhile then. Hope I'm back to normal by tomorrow! >.<

P.S. No consolation needed, thanks. Just venting here. ^^

11 January...

2009-01-11T13:56:00.002+08:00

Today's my sister's birthday. She keeps saying "Today I biggest! 我最大！" Lols.. So funny. Then my mother say, "We'll see." Hahas. In the end, she's the one being ordered around, not the one giving the orders. =D She's like crazy! Laughing like mad in church. Until my mother stare at her.

Oh, and before that even more hilarious. We were eating breakfast at the church canteen. I bought a bowl of porridge and my dad helped me add the seasonings. When he added the pepper, he opened the whole bottle and poured everything in the bowl, 'cause he didn't know there wasn't any small holes, and there was one big hole instead. Lols. That's the first 'crisis'. The second one is, when my dad bought a bowl of curry and a piece of bread. He brought it to the table holding th styrofoam bowl by the top instead of holding the bottom, the bowl split and the curry splashed to the floor and my sister's foot... Hahas... Third is, my mother take a cup of orange squash and guess what? She spilled the whole cup and nearly flooded the whole table and my dad. But she caught the table cloth just in time to save my dad from getting wet. Lols. And I was just sitting there eating my porridge (after taking out the extra pepper) and laughing, "Must be a bad omen... Tsktsk.. On Ning's birthday.. Haha!" LOL.

And now showing Power Sunday, Hide and Seek 躲猫猫 and they playing pool. Lols. Reminds me of when I played pool. Funny too. I aimed very carefully at the balls, but I missed most of the time. Hahas. But I got used to it eventually, just lacking in power. It's fun when you know how to play huh? Lols.

Sigh, after church, we went to NTUC. And my sis was like, keep asking me to teach her how to sing Sunny Side Up, the OST from Aishiteruze Baby. Cute anime, cute song. I think Aishiteruze Baby is the cutest anime on the planet. Hahas. Anyway, my sis keep asking me to teach her and she keep forgetting what I taught her. Then I had to keep singing and singing over and over. Until the tune got stuck in my head... =.= Lols.. Then in the car, she started singing another song. And back home, we sang another song. It was like singing all the way back home until I turned on the computer.. Lols.. Otherwise, today would be quite a boring day. Hahas.

Mm... Back to writing Soulle, I guess... ;D

Ponyo Ponyo lyrics

2009-01-10T17:16:00.000+08:00

O.O I found the lyrics for the Ponyo Ponyo song. Here they are, enjoy!

Ponyo Ponyo Ponyo sakana no ko
aoi umi kara yatte kita
Ponyo Ponyo Ponyo fukuranda
Manmaru onaka no onna no ko

Peta peta Pyon Pyon
Hashitte ii na kake chao!
Nigi nigi bun bun
Otetewa ii na tsunai jyao!

Ano ko to haneru to kokoro mo odoru yo!
Paku Paku chyugyu! Paku Paku chyugyu!
Ano ko ga daisuki makkakka no

Ponyo Ponyo Ponyo sakana no ko
aoi umi kara yatte kita
Ponyo Ponyo Ponyo fukuranda
Manmaru onaka no onna no ko

Fuku fuku ii nyoi
Onaka ga suita tabechao!
Yoku yoku mite miyou!
Ano ko mo kitto mite iru

Isshoni warau to hoppe ga atsui yo
Waku waku chyugyu! Waku waku chyugyu!
Ano ko ga daisuki makkakka no

Ponyo Ponyo Ponyo sakana no ko
Gake no ue ni yatte kita
Ponyo Ponyo Ponyo Onna no ko
Manmaru onaka no genki na ko

About my life...

2009-01-10T14:56:00.004+08:00

Sigh, I know many people will be expecting life events to be posted on blogs. Thus, here I am, talking about my life. Ok, so this blog wouldn't be just about Soulle, but about me as well. Lols.

Funny how you seem to have things to do at one moment and then they disappear at another. Vice-versa as well. Psychological effect maybe? Anyway, I had plans to sleep off the whole of yesterday, but I ended up doing housework and then once I turned on the computer, it had my attention till 1.30am the next morning. And I came across a very logical quote, "Everyone is a genius. If you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it'll spend its entire life thinking it's stupid." Nice, eh? So there you go, everyone has their genius moments and talents.

I've begun to think, while I was looking at those books I've borrowed from the library, that my interested is honestly TOO short-lived. I have Wuthering Heights in my hands for almost a week and the farthest I've read to is page 5. Seriously! But at least I got the urge to continue writing again. Tsk, I'm just too.. I don't know.. Fussy? Picky? Why do these words come to mind? Oh I know, 'cause I'm talking to a certain someone doing quizzes to pass time... Hahas.

And I keep listening to 爱不疚 by 林峰. It's really nice but sad. The song used in 家好月圆, in cantonese, GA HOU YUD YUN. Nice show, if you like to see people plotting against each other, fighting over inheritance, boyfriends and relationships. It's a really sad show with funny parts. Come to think of it, it is really exaggerating at some points. But, a really good show all in all. Watch in cantonese is the best, but chinese would do too. Cantonese sounds nicest. >.< Haha.

Hmm.. O level results are to be released next monday. In two days' time, our fate will be revealed. Lols. Gambatte, minna. Don't be too nervous about it, but pray hard you get what you want, though if it's not, there's really nothing you can do about it. *shrugs* As for me, since I didn't really do my best during the exams, I honestly regret not doing so. But as far as I'm concerned, I know I'll always be like that... The last-minute girl. Doing everything at the last minute, even studying. Could've done better, but no, I HAD to laze around till the eleventh hour! However, I promise myself that that's going to change this year onwards. My A levels will NOT be of last-minute standard. *shakes head* I WILL do my best from now on. No more regrets. No more indecisiveness. More leadership qualities and thoroughness. More sentivity and understanding. Yupps, that's going to be the new me. *frowns* I think I got my head in the clouds. It's a dream for me to be that. *deep breath* Let's just try anyway. =D